Peace: You Can Get It on eBay

Yesterday (2006 May 14) after my Unitarian Universalist church service, someone came up to me and asked if I wanted to sign a petition to form a Department of Peace, a Cabinet-level position in the United States Government. I didn't sign it, as I believe it would create another bureaucratic agency, and further, it could later be merged with the Department of State or Defense; the latter would create Orwellian overtones. But I thought the idea was good of having the Government take the lead in maintaining peace in the world.

So today I Googled for "Department of Peace". I found a web site devoted to that department. But what struck me the most was an ad in the upper right corner. It said:

Department Of Peace
Whatever you're looking for
you can get it on eBay.
www.eBay.com

So the Department of Peace is available on eBay? Quick, does President Bush know about this? Instead of sending in soldiers to maintain peace in many foreign lands, he could purchase this Department for probably a low bid (who else is going to bid for it?) and use that instead. Peace. You can get it on eBay. Would be nice if it were true.

But then I tried other things in Google. I not only want world peace, I want an end to all war. So I tried Googling for "end to all war". I found that no, you can't get this on eBay:

To End All War at Amazon
Low prices on to end all war.
Qualified orders over $25 ship free
Amazon.com

No, you have to get it on Amazon instead, although you can get it for a low price. And what's this about a war going on at Amazon? Is a managerial shakeup at Amazon imminent? Is this what's going to end that war?

That's not all. I found you can get gamma ray bursts at Amazon. I mentioned this to my astronomy society tonight (2006 May 15). Some asked if it comes bottled.

I Googled "depleted uranium" and couldn't find anywhere to buy it. But when I Googled "enriched uranium", I found that it was available on eBay. That's scary. I hope this Ahmadinejad kook over in Iran gets absolutely nowhere near a mouse. Please, Google. Let's stick to selling Peace over eBay. In fact, let's sell Peace everywhere - it needs to be bought in mega quantities.